Fear is not all-powerful
God has prepared us for this very thing-Let the redeemed of the Lord say so!
It's cold here in the South today. Nothing like what my friends in the North and Midwest experience, but when the temperature is below freezing for most of a week, these California-born fingers struggle to move. I can't sit close enough to the fireplace and all I want to eat are warm carbs. (God made bread for a reason, right?)
Winter also becomes the time when many people suffer from seasonal depression and anxiety. Without going into too much depth, those of us who are biologically prone to anxiety or depression need sunshine as much as medicine. Short days are difficult. Short gloomy days are worse. Extended periods of short, gloomy days stuck indoors because of frigid temperatures can trigger all kinds of negative responses, even for the best-controlled anxiety. (For me, even the fireplace on YouTube along with an extra dose of Vitamin D helps--in addition to my regular medication, my dog, and a stubborn determination for outdoor walks when the sun breaks out or the temperature is over 40.)
I am okay. I know many others may not be. The myth that Christians do not fear death, dying, or depression needs to be dispelled. When biology creates chemical imbalances in the brain, a pep talk, a hug, or internal logic is not enough to overcome it. Death may not have a sting, but fear certainly does, and fear is one of the devil's most crippling tools for every human on the planet. Those of us who live with a predisposition to anxiety or its compatriots maintain a constant awareness of fear, even when we are at our best: Am I enough? Do I matter? Can God use me? Will God use me? What do I do now? What should I do next? Add winter to the mix and the potential for a downward spiral increases.
The spiral is not a foregone conclusion. Sometimes fear needs to be addressed and slapped around a little. Or a lot. Writing helps me. Creating helps me. Being outside helps me, even though I hate the chill. What helps me most, however, is a project. When I was asked to write devotionals for my church I leapt at the offer because a) it's validation that God can and will use me, b) it gives me something to do with a deadline, and c) it may be meaningful for someone other than myself. Plus, if I'm working on a project for someone else, I don't have time to get caught up in my own thoughts.
Being without a profession has been a tough thing to swallow. I love being able to write for myself and be available for my kids, but to be real, having this terminal degree without a career to go with it (or to finish paying off the little bit of student loan left on it) has been less than ideal. It's clearly God's plan for the foreseeable future, and frankly, the idea of being in academia these days is nauseating, but there's always an undercurrent of fear that the years I spent working so hard on a "useless" degree were misspent. That's when the enemy can render me immobile, bound by fear, unless I lodge myself in the Word that unshackles those who trust Jesus.
"Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God"
(Hebrews 13:16).
Anytime I write, for my own platform on Defaulting to Grace or anonymously as a devotion written for church, I am sharing what I have. Whether people find my work useful, if they even read it, is not up to me. When I publish, I do so in obedience to God, so my over-education is not wasted.
Similarly, when I help other people see connections between seemingly disparate things, whether that's at a women's Bible study table of six or one-on-one online tutoring, I am doing a good thing. (Take that, fear!) Paying bills with my own income still doesn't happen, but the God who sees the sparrows knows how much I need (another slap to fear). Not being able to boast about how I "did it 'a-self" (to borrow a phrase from my firstborn) is a sacrifice that pleases God and keeps me humble. Dealing with anxiety and depression is part of living in this body and when I think clearly, I long for the day when Jesus clothes me in the immortal clothing prepared for my future.
"For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee" (2 Corinthians 5:2-5).
Winter is hard. It's cold and dark outside, which leaves many people feeling cold, lost, and afraid. Fear is not a friend, but a foe. We can allow ourselves to be bound by it to the enemy's delight, or we can stand up to it by telling it whose we are: children of the Most High. Our commitment to doing good with the resources we have pleases God and remembering even our insignificant sacrifices testifies to His goodness. That, combined with the proper medications and a brisk walk will keep fear and anxiety from crippling us.
"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good,
For His mercy is everlasting.
The redeemed of the Lord shall say so,
Those whom He has redeemed from the hand of the enemy" (Psalm 107:1-2).
How do you deal with winter? Do you struggle with the "blahs" this time of year? Do you find anxiety or depression immobilizing you in fear? What helps you break through?
This post was just what I needed. I awoke just now with searing anxiety, and have been feeling myself spiraling for the past few days, trying to steer this fear like a boat in a storm, working with the weather and not against it but sometimes I don't know if I'm riding it or indulging it. My belief in God is shaky and new but I adore the idea at least of humbling myself to a plan larger than myself and overseen by a force that knows better than all of us. It's always healing to know I'm not alone in this freezing cold claustrophobic winter. Which is what's outside my window and in my guts. At least until the thaw. Thank you Stephanie!
Anytime you want to chat, let me know!!