Goodness of God in Sadness
This one is personal
July 8 2025
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1 ESV).
Summer usually means slowing down a little. A change of pace. A vacation with family or more time to read a book while resting on a porch swing. For me, the summer began with a flurry of activities that included two trips to Orlando and a cruise with the WHOLE family--all 11 of us. Memories made.
The day before boarding, however, I learned that my college roommate had died of pancreatic cancer. I rarely check Facebook, but I was in the car and killing time when I saw a post on her page pop up. It was in the comments that I saw that she had died, but it took some digging to find out what happened. (I found it on her high school reunion page, of all places.)
We had mostly lost touch in the last decade or so. After college, I got married, had a family, and ultimately moved to Georgia. She joined Pan Am (where her parents met) and then American Airlines as a flight attendant, where she worked 33 years. She married once--very briefly--and had no children. She filled her days with service work, using her business degree helping nonprofits near San Diego as she made her way up the seniority ladder at American. We exchanged small birthday gifts for several years, but after about 2012, our communication was reduced to the annual "Happy Birthday" post on Facebook.
Voni, as I always called her, was vibrant and spontaneous, a colorful person who embraced life with gusto. She designed the mascot for our university, was a La Fiesta princess (and coached me when I ran for the role), and lived life out loud. One summer, while watching "The Price is Right," Voni decided we should drive down and try out for the show. And we did. And she got on the show. And won the Showcase. Because that's how she was.
In the days since learning of her death, everywhere I turn are reminders of her vibrance and the memories we made. A trip to Animal Kingdom with my daughter brought back vivid memories of the safari Voni and I took (thanks to that Showcase) in 1985. A passing reference to soap opera actress Eva LaRue reminded me of Voni calling her "Fifi LaRue" when we watched "All my Children" as a guilty pleasure. She was maid of honor at my wedding and my firstborn's self-proclaimed godmother. I still dress nicely when I fly because that's what Voni taught me.
It's been many years since Voni and I were close friends, but I still feel sad. I didn't even know she was ill-- and she fought cancer for 18 months. I start wishing that I had done more to maintain our friendship, but then am reminded that some friendships are for a season. Our lives ran a nearly perpendicular path, so it should be no surprise that the more time passed, the less we held in common. In Ecclesiastes, Solomon wrote that there is a time for everything, from birth to death, planting and harvest, and all the things that make a life. I suspect friendships are like that for most people. There are a few whose childhood friendships last into old age, but for most, God gifts us friends for a time and when that time has passed, He brings new people into our lives. Solomon observed, "He has made all things beautiful in its time" (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Cherish the memories and live the lessons of each friendship while it lasts; this is God's will for us. Each friend we make offers a glimpse into the character of God, and over the years, the many friends we make add to our better understanding of His goodness. Voni showed me the colorful joy that God wants me to live in. She taught me to explore His world, and be adventurous. Those lessons help me trust that God's goodness will prevail when I do new things--even if those things don't work the way I thought they might.
Solomon perceived that people should " be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil--this is God's gift to man" (Ecclesiastes 3:12-13). Be joyful and do good. According to the messages on Facebook, this is how Voni lived her life until the very end. Given my time as her friend forty years ago, I am not surprised.
Yes, I am sad to know that Voni is gone from this earth, but I am grateful for the friendship for that season of my life. Seasons are short, but I know that God's goodness is eternal. Sadness is a part of living in a broken world, but one day, God has promised to wipe away every tear and make all things new. Death will be no more; pain, sadness, and mourning will turn to joyful dancing (Revelation 21:3-5; Psalm 30:11). In the meantime, I will pursue generosity, courage, and joy, mirroring the life Voni shared with everyone who knew her. God's goodness may be revealed through me as I love those around me and live this season of my life as a reflection of His love.
Resources:
The ESV Bible. English Standard Version, Crossway, 2001.
Stephanie, you wrote such a beautiful, meaningful tribute to your friend Voni. Truly, for any of us to be attributed to the words you shared, the memories recalled...well, we would be profoundly called BLESSED. THANK YOU for also expressing the truth that some of our friendships are for seasons in our lives as paths intertwine. It is unrealistic to strive to maintain EVERY relationship with the same connection for decades and decades. Your experience acknowledged this truth as well. I felt a sense of healing in my spirit reading your thoughtful emotions, in particular appreciating the bracket of precious time where memories were made and the impact Voni had in your life. And, you took the time to acknowledge the sadness of Voni's passing. I am also sorry for your loss, Stephanie, and thank you for sharing this personal and profound writing with us.
What a beautiful friendship. I'm glad you can acknowledge the sadness...and take comfort in God's goodness--now and in the friendship itself.