Personality Types: How They Change Grace
Sometimes labels can be useful when applied with authentic love
I haven't thought much about personality types in a while, but @THECHAOSTRIALS wrote a post the other day that got me thinking about how personality may influence how we extend grace to each other. For example, on the ever-popular Myers-Briggs spectrum, I am an INTJ. It's consistent, too, across both years and test types. By the more recent Enneagram system, I am a 3, wing 4. Together they pretty well sum up my personality and my tendencies if I don't pay attention.
Myers-Briggs
Myers-Briggs has been used for decades. A short online search results in a long list of ways to take the test if you're interested, and there are a multitude of sites that interpret what each of the 16 personality types means. The ones I used are in the references section at the end of this post.
INTJ stands for Introversion, Intuition, Thinking, and Judging. I am an introvert who has learned how to socialize, but people are exhausting. I like lots of people, but one at a time, thanks. At a party, I'm usually in a corner watching the extroverts live their best lives or I've connected with another introvert for deep conversation. As an intuitive thinker, I tend to look for patterns and connections between things to learn and teach. I think abstractly (sometimes too much so) and I look for meaning in information rather than simple facts. For me, Truth not only exists but is the standard for interpreting everything from ideology to science. Thinking means I make decisions based on analysis of past knowledge and future potential. Judging (no, I'm not judging you--unless you don't like me and I need to know why.) is simply my way of organizing my world. By nature, I like plans and structures for important things. Within a structure, I find freedom. I'm a big-picture person who gets bored quickly with the details of things.
My innate personality traits make me a good leader with the ability to delegate. I loved directing plays back in the day. I could envision the set, the tone, the lighting, the costumes--and then find people who could make it happen. It makes me a good mentor and tutor as well. I love to figure out what people are struggling with and then ask the questions that lead them to answers (leading and delegating in a way). I am a really good teacher, especially when it's a subject that captures my imagination. My brain moves fast, and I usually have dozens of ideas all happening faster than I can get them written out or sufficiently thought through.
Enneagram
Even though the Enneagram as we currently recognize it was developed by a philosopher in 1915, it soared to new heights of popularity in the last decade or so. It's based more on metaphysical philosophy than psychiatry and has lately taken hold in evangelical circles, although I honestly don't understand why. In many ways, the enneagram is about personal enlightenment and development, which doesn't seem to fit with having the mind of Christ (Philippians 2:5). However, since so many Christians have adopted the tool, it does factor into how we show grace.
My Myer-Briggs type meshes well with my Enneagram type. I like to lead, I process in my head or my writing (sometimes talking to one trusted friend), I always want to be better, and I am terrified of being unworthy. To borrow from another source, my love language is words of affirmation.
Knowing this about me may help you extend grace to me in multiple ways. You know I'm an introvert, so grace would be not pressuring me to interact with large groups of people. Ask me to speak as an expert, yes. That's the leadership angle. But a long meet-and-greet? You better have bourbon at the ready when it's done. If I seem anxious or worried, don't pat me on the head and tell me I'll feel better in the morning. Instead, tell me something I've done or said in a similar situation that benefitted someone. That goes for the Substack space, too. I do stress about not having lots of followers far more than I should. It is hard to see others gather subscribers like leaves in the fall. But that's really not what's important (still convincing myself.) What matters is that I may write something that connects with someone who needs to hear that thing or encouragement or an empathetic voice. It's also nice to read comments (hint) even if they just say, "hmm, I've never thought about it that way," or "tfs." If you REALLY want to show grace toward me in a major way, have a deep philosophical conversation with me about literature, Christianity, or even politics (although 2024 may not be a good year for that!) I have strong thoughts about lots of things that make people in my personal IRL circle roll their eyes or say things like "I'm not smart enough for that."(YES, YOU ARE).
So, what does that mean for generally defaulting to grace in the real world? Should everyone wear a name tag with Myers-Briggs/Enneagram types in bold letters so we know how to act around them? It might be helpful, but it's not exactly practical. (Although tbh, to sub out MB/E for pronouns in a signature isn't a half-bad idea.) The real lesson is that defaulting to grace requires learning about the people with whom we interact. It means that we are sensitive to the ways in which they receive grace. It means actual conversations and interactions, not simply the insta-worthy acknowledgment as we pass by in the halls. "How are you?" "FABULOUS, you?" "So blessed." (ugh.) Let's get to know each other for real, even if it means we look more like the Velveteen Rabbit than Barbie in the box.
Let's learn to be mindful as we seek to encourage each other, defaulting to grace, not on our terms, but with the mind of Christ, "with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:2-3).
How might you use your innate personality to show grace to others?
Resources
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
INTJ personality profile – Myers Briggs (MBTI) personality types
5 Rare Personality Types | Psych Central
Chapman, Gary D. The 5 Love Languages. 1992. Northfield Pub, 2015.
Interesting thoughts, Stephanie. I’ll try to make a long story short:
I was out of work for almost a year late 2020-late 2021 with some complications the doctors attributed to long Covid. I am not used to being home every day, and because of that, I was not afforded respite from the in-law crazy across the creek. Literally across the creek, and literal crazy. Ha!
Needless to say, it drove me nuts. I began speaking to a counselor, who once asked me if I was familiar with Myers-Briggs. Because speaking and breathing were difficult, I huffed out (wait for it...) I-N-T-J! The counselor didn’t understand me and asked what I said. Because of the aforementioned struggles, I was annoyed at having to repeat myself. Once I did, he began laughing and said, “ok, now I know what I am working with!”
That comment from him sent me down a proverbial rabbit trail to better understand who I am and who I should be in light of who I am. (Stupid sentence).
If love is willing the good of the other (Aquinas?), I certainly love people. But showing that love is difficult, especially when they are clearly harming themselves when it comes to ideological/philosophical/religious ideas. Hubris coupled with idiocy make me view someone is unlovable. No, I am not proud of that at all. I struggle showing compassion to people who cannot think. Not think like me, as I greatly appreciate different ideas! I mean people who can’t or won’t think deeply, or at least deeper than they do.
At any rate, I have rambled enough. To wrap this up, I completely agree it is hard to show grace sometimes and even harder to see it not being extended when you are trying yourself. And if you have inspired me to do anything, it is to actual begin writing on my own substack. For my own sanity, if nothing else.
Best wishes and blessing to you. Oh, and happy late anniversary!
Not heard of an enneagram test before, though I have done Myers Briggs. Can't recall my specific type, but certainly well within the introvert categories. I can socialise quite easily and readily, but only for short periods before I burn out and need my own time to recover and recharge those social cells.